Only a Moment

I want to love you, but not really.
I want to give you everything, but not really.
When I hear your voice, I feel so good, but not really.
When I hear you smile at the other end of the world, I feel whole, but not really.
I'm not capable of giving you much.
I can give you a moment in time, but that's it.
Nothing consistent.
I'm not able and neither are you.
We're screwed.

Abandoned by the Self

Surrounded by the pungent smell of vile and scornful lies,
I wandered down that long, cracked road that never seemed to rise.
You bound me in your wretched hate that made you feel so good
You stuffed a rag inside my mouth to make me what you could.
You spit your evil ways on me that scar me to this day
That burning acid crippled me; I could not run away.
You stupid fucker - what did you think when I rose above your spell?
I found my gall and puked you up and left you to your hell.
Betty Crocker? What the fuck? You thought I was that type?
To serve you on your throne of might then listen to you gripe?
And if I said that you weren't right, you'd hit me in the head.
You thought I'd be OK to see my face was splotchy red?
What was I thinking, staying there, to walk that hell with you?
Stupid me; I lost my way and didn't know what to do.
Until the day I looked around and saw I lost it all
How dare you take the blood I bled and paint it on your wall?
And now I'm gone and moving on; my road is on the rise
8 years later, today I say goodbye to the one I despise.

Don't Stop (Voices Inside My Head)

You're back. You're with me once again. It seems like forever since I lost you inside my secret world. I locked you away and lost the key that was my outlet to sanity. For reasons unknown to me, I made you go away. So far away. I closed you out. I abandoned you. True as you are, you never forgot about me. You waited until I was ready and now you're back. You came back to me. Fill me with the words that flow from my finger tips. Those words... Those thoughts... Those voices.... Tell me the stories of what I forgot. I'm a mad woman trying to keep up with these thoughts you give me. I am inspired once more. My fingers are bleeding. I won't lose what you're giving me again. I missed you. You are a side of me left dormat. Begin your eruption. Your patience is unrelenting. Why did I ever lock you up? I'm so glad I found you. Speak to me. Bring to me the beauty of the world inside my head. You've never been scared. It's always been me. Hold my hand and help me through. Help me write the story of me. Let me hear my angel sing. Welcome home.

Smoke

At first glace, a simple stream of smoke seems just that - simple. On the surface, it is simple; traveling straight up into the room, dissapating without a second thought from you. Look deeper: It's not so simple.... always unique. The transformation is much like life: Straight at first. Then wavering. Soon, swirling in a heavy mass. Lifting in different directions. Reuniting again, but this time, a little less heavy. Traveling further and further up in unison. Eventually, it's gone, leaving only a distinct smell - stinky to some, sweet to others, but nonetheless, it is a memory of the past.Smoke with me........

Alone in the Night

I feel your warm breath roll over my shoulder
We sleep through the night and grow a little older
You reach out your hand, holding mine tight,
Keeping me close to you all through the night
You turn in your sleep but relax at my touch
As if I’m the one and you love me that much
At times when you wake and you see me right there,
You kiss me so gently in the bed that we share
The tenderness you show me runs deep through my soul
Echoes the my feelings as tears start to roll
I wake up alone in the middle of the night
You know and I know, something’s not right
I can’t feel your body; I can’t feel your hand
I can’t feel the warmth and it’s more than I can stand
The distance between us makes everything cold
I wish that I had you forever to hold
But I wake up alone and I know it’s a dream
I guess you don’t love me like it all used to seem.